Cognitive Life Skills

The following story & questions represent an example of the text & curriculum found in a Cognitive Restructuring Manualized Workbook.
 

The Millers and Johnsons lived in the same rural county and went to the same schools. Their lives intertwined often. Scott Miller was Jason’s age and came to his rescue in the sixth grade when a group of older boys were beating him up.
 Bloodied and semi-conscious, Jason awoke to Scott’s younger sister, Jenny, with his head in her lap as she was crying and wiping his bloody face with her handkerchief. He was sad to see his teacher arrive as he had a secret deep crush on this angel with a ponytail and deep brown eyes.
 When Jason got out of detention he moved out of state to work for his uncle in construction and lost contact with Jenny. Soon he was on his own, buying older homes and fixing them up to resell. At age 23, he returned  to his place of birth and found most of his kin living in the swamp of despair.
 Although he suffered many effects from his childhood abuse, he had freed himself from the shackles of his past. With new understanding, he forgave his mother and the father he hardly knew. His view of others changed. He found freedom, a deeper freedom than he imagined. The world he encountered sprang from his new vision and therein lay his fate – a life of struggle, but a life of giving and receiving love.
 With his change of heart and increased self esteem, he mustered the strength to knock on Jenny’s door. It was a few days before Christmas and unbeknownst to him, Jenny was  home from college. Before he was arrested and sent to detention, he was a regular visitor to the Miller home. He had saved Scott’s life when he had hit his head at the local swimming hole and almost drowned.
 It had been six years since he had seen Jenny and he wasn’t prepared for the beautiful creature who answered the door. At first she didn’t recognize him as he stammered and tried to speak. But, soon the words came out, 
“Jenny. It’s me, Jason.” With a shriek, catching Jason off guard, Jenny was hugging her long lost friend.
 As the weeks passed, with correspondence and his visits to Jenny’s college, their deep friendship blossomed into a deep love, and in the summer they were married, committing to each other their lifelong love and fidelity. Making love they became one. Their life together became synergistic, greater than the sum of what they would have been alone.
 5.   The greatest joy or anguish in life comes fromour relationships with others T or F?
 

6.   The true feelings you have for someone is always projected as it is and not as you try to make it. No matter how hard you try to convince someone you love them it won’t work unless you truly do love them. T or F?
 Matters of the heart can’t be faked forever. Sooner or later the truth will reveal itself. When we get to the lowest common denominator of humankind, we find two basic choices: one who chooses to be resistant, in-the-box, always critical and finding fault, or one who is responsive, out-of-the-box, responding with love and kindness.
  7.   Responsive people attract others because they have empathy and genuinely care for others. Do you know someone like this? Explain:  __________________________________________________________________________
  8.   Resistant, in-the-box people are users who often treat others as objects. Do you know someone like this? Explain: __________________________________________________________________________________________
 9.   Answer “T” for true or “F” for false.        
      ___  Living an angry life is living an empty life.               ___ Closed eyes stumble in the darkness.
     ___  Warring hearts grow faint.                                     ___ Resistant people gladly receive the truth.
     ___  You can find what you desire most in others.          ___ Resistant people fall into the pits dug for others.
     ___  The more you do for yourself the happier you are.  
     ___  When you validate someone, you are accepting the way they are without trying to change them.
  By Larry Lloyd Lifeskills counselor                    See www.accilifeskills.com      

Behavior Management like Anger Management is counter productive. People resist being managed. A better word would be Behavior or Anger Avoidance. The best tool to teach avoidance is through a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Program. The following is an example of a Cognitive LIfeskills Workbook.   
 

  22.                                                                             RAGE
                                                                                 People can
                                                                             get so angry that
                                                                           they “blank out” for 8
                                                                      to 10 seconds. How much harm
                                                                 can be caused when a person is in total rage?
                                       ______________________________________________________
                         ___________________________________________________________________________
                                                                                                                                                                                                               
23.  Curt Johnson has a weak mental-self. His life is a mess. He has little self-control. Melanie Miller has a strong mental-self  and keeps her bodily urges, anger, and addictions in control. Put a “C” for Curt or an “M” for Melanie before the following statements that you think best describes each:
 

            ____  Smokes 4 packs of cigarettes a day         ____  Gets drunk often
            ____  Eats balanced and nutritious food            ____  Thinks before acting
            ____  Doesn’t react to rude drivers                  ____  Is addicted to pornography
            ____  Goes to bed early; gets plenty of rest       ____  Commits crimes
            ____  Exercises and doesn’t overeat                  ____  Doesn’t use drugs
            ____  Is slow to lose self-control                      ____  Sniffs glue
            ____  Is easily influenced by peers                    ____  Throws fits and gets angry all the time                       ____  Has many sex partners                             ____ Darts in and out of heavy traffic 
            ____  Loses patience while standing in line          ____  Has empathy towards others
 

24.  What are the rewards for people who learn to manage their anger and have more self-control?
       __________________________________________________________________________________________
 

Tips on How to AVOID Anger
 

A.  Be aware of your physical signs of becoming angry such as an upset stomach, clenched fists or jaw, rapid heartbeat, biting your lip, etc. If you become aware of your rising anger, can you take steps to stop it?
 

B.  Avoid confrontations and arguments; arguing never works. Everyone involved is a loser. Walk away. Count to ten.       Go outside. Breathe deeply. Focus on self-control. Be willing to compromise.
 

C.  When people lash out at you, don’t lash back. Respond with “I” messages instead of “you” messages. Say “I didn’t deserve that. I’m hurt when you say those things. Why are you treating me this way?” What happens when you lash back with a “you” message?  
 

D.  When someone is in your face screaming at you, don’t respond. Mentally step to the side of yourself. Watch their face with amusement. Notice the veins in their neck popping out. Observe their body language. What are their arms doing? Listen to the tone of their voice. Observe how immature and foolish they look. Be calm. Breathe deeply. Be glad you didn’t jump in and give up your control.
 

E.   Be aware that anger is often a form of manipulation. The angry person is using anger and threats to get his or her way. Selfishness is often the basis of anger. If you give in to them, it works, and they will do it again. Stand your ground. Talk it over.  Find alternatives, but don’t give in or the cycle will continue.
 

F.   You can quickly stop the anger by agreeing with them. “You may be right.  Let’s discuss it. Let’s consider both sides.”
 

G   If  you are wrong, quickly admit your mistake and apologize.  “I’m sorry. You’re right.” Or “I apologize. I’ve had          a bad day.”
 

H.  If the anger and tone of voice are getting worse, leave the area. Avoid the temptation to jump in. Many people have   been hurt or killed by opening their mouths too much. You might win the argument but be hurt or dead because of it.  T or F?
 

See www.accilifeskills.com         By Larry Lloyd Lifeskills Counselor

Creating a manualized cognitive restructuring program that is effective in helping people overcome faulty thinking errors and self defeating behaviors is an art form that few have mastered.

The question is, is it possible to go into the subconscious mind and actually change thoughts? The answer is yes and the secret lies in Dr David Hawken’s book on truth vs falsehoods. The truth has energy that can penetrate the veil of self imposed falsehoods and help people find the truth about themselves. That is, they are many times better than they think they are.

People with critical thinking errors are inclined to judge others or themselves adversely. There are two issues to look at; others and self.

Others: Judging others adversely is characterized by self deception. People who are self deceived turn others into objects that allows them to mistreat (as in domestic violence) without guilt or remorse.