February 15, 2007

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Filed under: General — Editor @ 10:53 am

The following story & questions represent an example of the text & curriculum found in Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
 Misty stood frozen in time on her back porch. The view of the orchard and sounds of the farm animals stirring from the darkened night overwhelmed her senses. The sun rising over the green rolling hills bathed hundreds of apple trees in soft sunlight. The fresh spring air was filled with the fragrance of apple blossoms.
 She could feel her heart gently beating as she breathed deeply. Her long black hair flowed over her shoulders. For the first seventeen years of her life, she had lived on the 240 acres that her grandfather had homesteaded as one of the early Washington State pioneers.
 

The soil was black and rich; it grew everything in abundance, and had supported the Miller family for fifty years. Misty stood as a living example of its nurturing power with beautiful green eyes, pearly teeth and a rosy complexion.
 The sounds and smells of breakfast and the gentle licking of her faithful dog, Skip, brought her out of her trance and into the kitchen, where she caught her parents wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing. Misty delighted in the love they had for each other. She was happy in the way her mother took care of herself, in her cheery disposition and her kindness to everyone. Misty, her older brother and two younger sisters were cared for by those who cared for each other –– the result was deep bonds of love that left the Miller children a legacy of peace and security.
  For Misty, it was a time of deep reflection on her life as she would soon graduate from high school and face an uncertain adult life. It was the weekend, and with her chores done, she headed for her favorite spot with Skip running ahead. Everything was lush and green. The sun had warmed the night’s chill. She sat on her favorite log near the rocks over which cascaded the stream that watered the farm.
 Suddenly Skip started growling and then hearing the words, “Here, Skip boy,” raced excitedly towards the approaching figure, jumping and licking him. Misty caught her breath and her heart started beating more rapidly as she recognized her first and only love, Jacob. Her mind quickly went back to their last meeting, two years ago, as he kissed her good bye. It was a soft, gentle but longing kiss that left her breathless and wanting more. Jacob had come to live with his grandparents for the summer. He was a year older and it was instant attraction for both. Jacob was constantly in Misty’s thoughts, especially as she knew he would visit in the summer, but didn’t expect him so soon.
 Now he was standing in front of her, tall and handsome, his jet black hair combed back. His boyish appearance had given way to manly muscles. Misty felt like he was a powerful magnet drawing her near. His letters spoke of love. She could stand it no longer and fell into his strong arms.
  Every cell in her body was heightened with excitement as their kissing turned to passion and complete joy. Ten days later he proposed marriage and she readily accepted. Crying and kissing they both promised their forever commitment to each other. The year was 1902. They both died in the 60’s. Misty died in Jacob’s arms where she had started so many years before. When Jacob passed away he was buried by her side, together in death as they had been in life. Although poor in things of the world, they were rich in love for one another, their six children, and twenty-four grandchildren.
 1.  Misty and Jacob raised their children with unconditional love and caring. It just flowed from them without them thinking. It was just who they were; their personal way of being. What long term influence do parents have on their children?
     __________________________________________________________________________________________
 

2.  The Millers’ genuine love for each other and their children compelled their children to love them in turn. Their love invoked in their children trust, security, validation, peace and harmony. What are some of the benefits for children raised in functional loving homes?
        _________________________________________________________________________________________
 By  Larry Lloyd  Lifeskills Counselor

Anger Management

Filed under: General — Editor @ 10:53 am

Anger Management is not effective, people resist being managed. However Anger Avoidance as taught in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook is effective. The following is an example of an Anger Avoidance Cognitive LIfeskills Workbook.   
 

Jason had many reasons to go deep and erupt in anger just like Cord. He could have crushed bones, punched guts, cracked faces, bruised breasts or kicked ribs, but he didn’t.
 Shelly, like many women who were sexually molested when they were young, could have chosen to be an out-of-the- box, responsive person, but she didn’t. She gave in to her deep-seated anger; she lived most of her life poisoning all with whom she came into contact. With an MBA and in a supervisory position in a large manufacturing company, she treated her fellow employees with contempt. She was convinced they were all incompetent and had to be told what to do. She degraded and marginalized them while trying to act concerned and interested in their welfare.
 Shelly’s resistant way of being, coupled with her failed marriages, and relationships had a harsh effect on the her children. Her daughter went through bouts of depression and two suicide attempts - all this because her mother was so caught up in herself; Shelly had no room for anyone else.
 Humankind can overcome many adversities in life, except for the lack of love and a sense of belonging. Shelly’s son took off where she ended and became abusive in his relationships, and was arrested for domestic violence. He, like his great-grandfather, Ralph Johnson, could continue the curse of Ralph.
 

1.   What does increasing anger and violence do to a society? 
      __________________________________________________________________________________________
      __________________________________________________________________________________________
 2.   As we know, life is like a mirror; what we put out, we get back. Shelly and Cord got a lot of “@*#&$%” thrown back at them. They were quick to blame others. The fire of anger in them burned brightly. They were quick to pounce on others. They lived their lives in captivity. Describe a totally free person.  
      __________________________________________________________________________________________    ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 3.   When Cord died of cancer and was buried in his lonely grave, he was soon forgotten except by the few who had bad memories. After his funeral, flowers were never again placed on his grave. On the other hand, Misty and Jacob were loved and cherished by many and warmly remembered years after their deaths. You can still find flowers on their graves today. How do you think people would like to be remembered? 
      ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 4.   If the only friend I have is me, I have no friends. T or F? 
 

Anger is a secondary emotion that begins deep in a person’s personal way of being. It is hard to anger responsive people, but easy to anger people in the box. Resistant people are by nature mean and have free floating hostility that erupts quickly, often without warning. The following are the four main sources or triggers that result in anger.
Source 1:
ABUSE 
 When someone is abused, they naturally have a tendency to get angry. Abuse is not natural. The Universal Laws have been broken against him/her, resulting in feelings of hate, mistrust and vengeance. Abuse is the chief cause of anger in a person’s life.
Source 2:
DOING WRONG 
 People who live the untruth are naturally unhappy and angry. Universal Laws cannot be broken without consequences. There is no true happiness in doing wrong. We can choose to do wrong, but we cannot choose the consequences. What we do is what we get. Doing wrong causes anger.
Source 3:
FORCE 
 People are like springs. The harder you push, the more they resist, and the angrier they get. Each person has free will and resists being forced. Trying to force others to change won’t work; you will only experience frustration, anxiety and your own anger. Forcing others causes anger in them.
 

Source 4:
THINGS BEYOND
OUR  CONTROL
 There are many situations in life that we have no control over, like traffic jams or someone pulling in front of us, people taking advantage of us, etc. We can choose to become angry or not; it’s our choice. 
 Anger - and how to get rid of it - can be summarized in three theories:
 

Theory  I:     Anger is natural; you have no choice. You need it to protect yourself and to stand up against those  who will take advantage of you. It is okay to express your anger. You can do so by yelling, screaming and arguing, but not hitting. What do you think?
 

Theory  II:   Feel the anger - but sit on it, squelch it, deny and repress it.  Is this good?
 

Theory  III:  Anger is  natural, but can be controlled. It doesn’t have to happen. It’s not automatic. You can quickly forgive others. You don’t have to express or squelch feelings of anger because you don’t have to feel them. Because you live outside the box, you feel secure about yourself; you don’t respond to others’ anger. People who anger you can control you, but if you stay relaxed and calm, you are in charge of the situation. Is this possible?
 5.  Which one of the three theories is best? _____  Why?
     __________________________________________________________________________________________
 See www.accilifeskills.com   By Larry Lloyd Lifeskills Counselor
 

 

 

Behavior Modification

Filed under: General — Editor @ 10:53 am

Behavior Modification like behavior management & Anger Management is a misnomer, people naturally resists being modified or managed. People are like springs the more you push the more the resist. The more correct approach would be Self Modification as a forum in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if done correctly has the ability to go deep and change faulty thinking errors & self defeating behaviors. The following is an example of a cognitive restructuring text.
 

Amy lived in fear of Cord. She could do no right. He had strong muscles and when he lost control with seething anger, his fist became a lethal weapon that could kill her with one blow. Her 128 pound body had little defense.
 Amy stood in the way of his sexual fantasies and desire for other women. He would therefore provoke in her the very behavior that he himself disliked so he could justify his actions towards her. He was deeply self deceived and believed she was the problem. He was constantly focusing on her shortcomings while in reality she was a faithful, talented, educated woman and nurturing mother.
  Amy joined millions of other women and men in the fog of abuse, twilight existence of fear, worry and confusion. Unlike abuse by a stranger, strong cords of attachment and subconscious programming keep the abused attached to the abuser in an ever-cycling ritual of abuse.
  Domestic violence is a systemic disease –– that is, it is rooted deeply in one’s life. It creates many symptoms but, unless the disease itself is eradicated, the symptoms will persist.
 1.   What are some of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic violence? _______________________________
 2.   Why is domestic violence more emotionally painful than abuse by a stranger? ___________________________
 

3.   How did Amy get rid of her disease? ____________________________________________________________
 

4.   What happens to her and women like her who don’t permanently cut the ties through complete separation but remain attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________________
 

5.   Cutting the ties can be very frightening and painful. Why shouldn’t we judge those who remain in abusive relationships?  __________________________________ The abused need encouragement, not contempt. T or F?
 

6.   How do you cut the emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________
 

VALIDATION
 To understand the abyss of domestic violence, one must understand the high that comes from interdependency, where both partners are getting their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs met. Fulfilling a person’s Hierarchy of Physical needs - air, water, food, clothing, shelter - is not difficult, but fulfilling one’s emotional needs is another matter. Take the following test.
  Rate your marriage for the last two years.
    •    Need to be loved  - My partner deeply loved me; I was not alone.                           
   •    Need to be validated - My partner made me feel that I was a good person.
   •    Need to be  affirmed - My partner made me feel important; I made a difference.     
   •    Need to be understood - My partner listened to me; he/she understood me.
   •    Need to be appreciated - My partner appreciated what I did for him/her.
   •    Need to be secure - I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.        
                                                                                                                                                 Total:
                                                  Excellent                 Problem               Harmful
                                                    30 - 24                    23 - 17                  16 - 6
                                                                                         
                                                          Healthy direction           Unhealthy direction
 

7.   What was your score? ____ Which bracket did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? _______________
 

See www.accilifeskills.com          By Larry Lloyd Lifeskills Counselor

Crime Prevention

Filed under: General — Editor @ 10:53 am

The following story & questions represent an example of the text & curriculum found in a Crime Prevention Cognitive Lifeskills Workbook.
 

Jason was born in 1958. His grandfather, Ralph Johnson, had a powerful negative impact on his posterity. Except for Jason, his cousin Becky and a few other cousins, the whole Johnson clan was caught up in drug abuse, anger, theft, violence, prostitution, welfare, broken relationships, and many other crimes and negative experiences.
 Jason was caught stealing a car. He was sent to juvenile detention and while there he took a cognitive life skills class like this one. Because he wanted to change, the class had a big impact on him. He was tired of living on the streets, suffering and worrying about his next meal. His mother, a drug addicted prostitute, was absent for long periods of time, leaving the children to fend for themselves.
 

After Jason was released, he reported to his probation officer. She asked him what he had learned from the life skills  class. This is what he said:
 •  I was going in the same direction as the rest of my family–drugs, jail, anger, and death. My subconscious mind was programmed with the untruth that I was no good and I lived on the bottom. I learned that I am many times better than I thought I was. I also learned that coming from an abusive home wasn’t my fault.
 

•  I learned that although I didn’t have control over my beginnings, I do have control over my endings. I am a new person every day and I can block the wrong done to me. I can forgive and forget so that I can go on with my life. My past doesn’t have to become my future.
•  I learned that I can’t continue to blame my mom, dad, or others for my problems. Life isn’t always fair and I have to make the best of my situation. The only way I can move my life forward is to release the past.
 

•  The Lifeskills class taught me that I am a deserving person with great potential, that this life is a free gift full of many new and exciting opportunities, and that I can overcome my drug addiction if I want to.
 

•  I learned that being beaten, thrown into walls, burned with cigarettes, going hungry, feeling ashamed and living in fear can make me a better, more sensitive person. I learned that adversity and opposition can make me stronger, if I choose to learn from it.
  •  And finally, I learned that I am in-charge of my own ship. I can steer it where I want. If I don’t change course I will keep suffering the negative consequences of my actions and life will get harder and harder until I either change or die.
 Questions:
 

1)  Jason was a victim; as a child he had no control over his home or environment. Now as an adult, what is his
     responsibility? _____________________________________________________________________________
 

2)  Are there a lot of men and women in the USA who have been emotionally damaged from childhood? ________
     What are some of the results of childhood abuse?
     __________________________________________________________________________________________
 

3)  What  do you think? Does Jason have a chance to  become a successful person? ______ Will it be easy? ______
     Will it be worth the effort? ________
 

4) Life is reduced to a simple formula. It says, “If you keep on doing what you have been doing, you will keep on getting what you have been getting.” If the Johnson family keeps on doing drugs and stealing, what will they keep getting? _______________________________________________________________________________
 

5)  How can they change what they are getting? ______________________________________________________
 

6)  If you asked 100 people the meaning or purpose of life, what it is that they want out of life before they die, what would they say?
     __________________________________________________________________________________________
 

By Larry Lloyd Lifeskills Counselor        See www.accilifeskills.com

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