Cognitive Life Skills

• They look act differently because they are different.
• They are not truly happy; they live dysfunctional, out-of-focus lives.
• They suffer from breaking both human nature’s and society’s laws.
• They suffer from depression, anxiety and fear.
• They neglect their bodies.
• They have addictive personalities, often out of control.
• Their lives are based on untruths, lies; many of their decisions turn against them.
• They are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
• They were mentally, sexually and /or physically abused as children.
• They have negative values, attitudes and behavior.
• They enjoy doing wrong.
• They try to blame others for their actions.
• They deny wrong doing even when faced with the facts.
• They were not born criminals; they were born blank.
• They where predisposed form birth to become criminals.
• They want something for nothing; they are lazy.
• They consciously chose to be criminals, they weren’t forced into crime.
• They automatically do bad things because they are bad.
• They give themselves away by what hey do,(their behavior).
• They give themselves away in group counseling without knowing it.
• They resist doing good; good is seen as a weakness.
• They will repeat after being released from jail or prison.
• They don’t like being exposed to good values; it makes them uncomfortable.
• They can’t fake who they really are; eventually they will give themselves away.
•  They aren’t good spouses or parents.
• They don’t think they are doing wrong because they are wrong.
• They are what they do, and they do what they are.
• They will argue and try to justify their actions.
• They never reach a fraction of their potential; they waste their lives.
• They live under untruths; therefore, nothing works for them and their lives are a mess.
• They don’t suffer guilt because their behavior is in line with their values.
• They are, with few exceptions, not mentally ill.
• They will produce more criminals by raising abused children.
• They will continue to cause crime after they are dead.
• They reflect the values of their parents and their environment.
• They will continue to repeat until they are old, dead or incarcerated.
• They won’t try to better themselves, in or our of prison
• They will break parole when they get out of prison.
• They use anger and force to get their way.
• They turn to religion while incarcerated but later reject it.
• They have inflated egos and act tough.
• They have an attitude that says, “Who Cares?”
• They don’t respect the criminal justice system.
• They see all law officers as the enemy who are out to get them.
• They kill for fun.
• They get a physical and mental high from torturing, raping and murdering people.
• They take other people’s money by fraud or embezzlement and fell good about it.
• They care little about what happens to their victim.
• They live in fear of being hurt by other criminals.
• They never have experience true happiness or peace of mind.
• They dropped out of school.
• They can’t read or write properly.
• They committed crimes as juveniles.
• They talk big but never amount to much.
• They rebelled and left home early.
• They have problems getting and keeping a job.
• They seek their kind.
• They don’t feel good in social situations.
• They choose partners who are also “damaged”.
• They have someone in their family who has gone to prison.
• They were told or felt as a child, that they are no good.
• They have physically abused members of their family.
• They are loners, staying to themselves.
• They didn’t do a lot with their families as children.
• They didn’t go to church or join scouts or play team sports.
• They have been divorced.
• They were raised by a single parent.
• They have had a sexually transmitted disease.
• They are high risk for AIDS.
• They don’t face daily tasks; they procrastinate.
• They are not well organized or clean.
• They neglect things they own.
• They wear clothes that don’t fit correctly or match.
• They don’t have good people skills.
• They don’t have good listening skills.
• They have little patience or empathy for others.
• They are dishonest an untrustworthy.
• They  are not law abiding or willing to conform to rules.
• They are not loving or kind.
• They live in the box of self deception. Always trying to justify their position.
• They are impatient & easly provoked to anger.
• They are pessimistic, faultfinding and critical of others.
• They are insecure, contoling and manipulative.
• They are detached, selfish and self centered.
• They see people as objects so they can mistreat them without compasion or guilt.
• They lack self mastery and give into whatever comes their way.

The single most effective tool in helping offenders to change their self defeating behaviors and faulty thinking errors is cognitive restructuring.

                                                          See www.accilifeskills.com 

• Criminals have surface charm, they “put on.”
• They inflate their self-worth.
• They are easily bored and need stimulation.
• They are good liars, they con and manipulate others.
• They lack remorse or guilt, they don’t care about others.
• They can’t function on their own, they must “live off” others.
• They had early behavioral problems and now are easily angered.
• They have promiscuous sexual behavior and have had many short-term (marital) relationships.
• They don’t accept responsibility for their actions; they always blame “the system” or others.
• They committed crimes as juvenile(s) and will probably continue as adult(s).
• They have a criminal record.
• They are manipulators and schemers.
• They are habiual liars and can’t be trusted.
• They suffer from low self-esteem and self-hate.
• They can change from being a criminal to a good person by changing who they are.
• They are easily shamed.
• They received negative scripting as a child and have passed it on to their children.
• They are easily bored and need stimulation.
• They are glib and have superficial charm.
• They have a false, grandiose sense of self-worth.

                                          By Larry Lloyd, Lifeskills Counselor           See   www.accilifeskills.com 

To understand violence and the anger that pushes it, one has to understand the four basic root causes of anger. But even deeper than that, one has to go to the deepest sense of who we are, our personal way of  being

There are two ways to be; one is responsive and the other is resistant. A responsive person is more open and kind; whereas, a resistant person is more closed and mean. Resistant, self deceived offenders commit violence from the deepest sense of who they are.

• Resistant people commit violence in their hearts long before their hands do.
• The sign of violence is not a hit, but a way of being.
• Violence is a choice; it is not merely an act, but a way of being.
• Nonviolence, like violence, is deeper than behavior.
• Self deceived violent people detach themselves from the feelings of others.
• In the resistant way of being, “I violate others by marginalizing their reality and reducing them to an object. In doing so, I elevate myself.”
• In the resistant way of being, “I batter for control without mercy or compassion.”
• In violating my children, I destroy future generations.
• “When I violate others, I produce a violence in them that justifies me in violating them.”
• In the resistant way of being, “I invite problems into my life, not solutions.
• In the violent way of being, “I portray myself in ways that justify me and makes the wrong I do seem right.”
• In the resistant way of being, “I impede the flow of life’s light and energy. I repel others and live a life filled with self.”
• Violence springs from the very essence of who I am, and who I am destroys me.

Violence in a society is brought on by the way of being of its citizenry. To intervene in violent behavior, a person must change from a resistive person to a responsive person. That requires a change of being.

Any program that doesn’t approach people at the deepest level is doomed to failure. Behavior modification and other anger management techniques are just surface fixes that don’t penetrate deep enough to make lasting changes. Cognitive restructuring, if done correctly, is a proven intervention that allows individuals to become “self aware” and thus more willing to change their personal way of being. Cognitive restructuring isn’t a force but an invitation to change. It intervenes at the deepest level where changes can take place.

                                                                               See www.accilifeskills.com